Back Again, Somewhere Else

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“The grass is always greener on the other side,” goes the saying that is thrown around like the shower of arrows that killed Gerard Butler’s Leonidas. Well. It killed him for a reason. ‘Cause like the saying, it hit hard. (BADUM-TSS!!!) I used to be on tumblr, but now it’s too cluttered with cute animals and scenic views of the beach taken with different angles and different lomo filters (I’m not hating btw)… I’m exploring how WordPress fares for me, since I’m trying to write again.

I figured I should impose this upon myself—ironically, I found that both my speaking and writing skills deteriorated in college (or at least starting from my junior year, when I was well out of my merit english classes, well out of inspiration and most of all well out of time.) Why? Because I unfortunately have very low tolerance for things that do not make me happy, and because I am helplessly impatient, when I am forced to do these things my whole being always manages to degrade somehow. Although I feel like this is the case with pretty much anybody, I know I am somehow more childishly intolerant of inspidity than most people.

This post seems off to a good and positive start! Heh. But the point I was getting at is that I won’t allow any part of me that is capable of expression to regress any longer—I don’t recall how it happened in college but I think I didn’t have time to deal with it and that was that. Anyway, I had a huge load of opportunities to perform as the brunt of all my artistic pursuits. My time rehearsing and my time on stage did a lot to help me contemplate, learn and grow. I love telling stories to people and rendering myself vulnerable in the hopes that whatever I am sharing contributes something fruitful to anyone at all. It’s the combination of both showing and telling people about reality’s many facets (through fact or fiction) that makes stories incredibly educational, no matter what form they’re in.

Of course I’m not (and will never be) all beauty-pageant-wholesome-goodness, so I’m admitting to the self-serving side of this.  As mentioned, I don’t mind rendering myself vulnerable through forms of public expression such as blogging and performing, but that is also because I’m weirdly a little uncomfortable with the intimacy of opening up to one specific person as opposed to leaving general musings for faceless internet viewers or groups of people. At least in the latter scenario it still feels more like solitary contemplation. There’s that, and there’s also this quote:

There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost.” -Martha Graham

(Martha Graham is a largely influential dancer, but I looked that up on Wikipedia, and found the quote on tumblr. Haha.) Many times have I contemplated and had ideas I wanted to physicalize or put out there, many times have I failed to do so, and many times have those ideas been forgotten. That’s also because I’m 2nd to Finding Nemo’s Dory in terms of memory and attention span. I’m horrible with birthdays and I’m trying to fix it. I’m horrible with making my almost nightly contemplations useful and here I am trying to fix it as well, now that I have more time (and will) on my hands, and now that social media has just made it so easy for us all. While I believe in searching beyond what is all-too-brainlessly at hand, I also wouldn’t want to waste the immediate opportunity in this case. (The fast food service of creative expression!)

I’m kind of everywhere and nowhere at the same time. I have a whole bunch of social media accounts (segregated according to purpose: some for cosplay, some for fashion, some no longer in use but still there ‘cause I’m a pack rat and can’t let go, some personal, like this blog.) They communicate to everyone or no one (I have no idea of the reach of any of them) but it doesn’t matter—as long as I’m not creating useless rubbish and (I’m repeating myself) hopefully entertaining someone, sharing them a tip or value or two.

Cue perfectly practiced smile and graceful Miss Universe wave. Just imagine that it’s happening in some parallel universe where I can definitely pull it off. Haha!

TLDR, I made a youtube channel for my joint fashion blog to practice speaking, be less awkward in front of a camera and explore a new way of fashion blogging. Tumblr is no longer a clean enough slate for me to cultivate inspiration to improve on writing and sharing things,  so here I am. Hi, I’m Maronne, let’s be friends! 😀

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